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- Steve - This Guy "Wrote the Book" on the SubjectThis is an excellent book about understanding how couples' relationships work. You may be put off by all the "four points of balance" and other TM theories - sometimes it sounds like a math book - but don't be. It is long but it's absolutely fascinating. (Thanks also to the other reviewers. A lot of work and thought has gone into some of them).
The message can seem somewhat bleak. You get to fully understand where your partner is coming from by the conflict of "differentiation", because normal communication doesn't work. Then you take it from there and try to act as a team to deal with the problem of sexual mismatches. But understanding can be a great help in and of itself.
The stories in the book are very positive, however, with very good outcomes. This may be surprising given the conflict involved and the amount of theory, but I guess these couples loved each other in the first place, and that is the big plus we all forget about.
Another book which focused on the working of the relationship as the root of the lack-of-desire problem was Rekindle Your Love Life. It basically says that one partner has become stressed and fearful about sex, and it has a more down-to-earth program of changing your own negative behaviors and changing the way she sees you. The man stops the cycle of frustration and rejection, then rebuilds the sexual confidence of the woman, and only then does he start working on rebuilding the sex. It's a very positive ten point action plan, and very easy to follow - and interestingly it concurs with a lot of the theory in I & D - especially the issue of dealing with the constructed image of yourself in your partner's mind. Although I learned a lot from Intimacy and Desire, Rekindle Your Love Life offers a more positive plan to deal with a sex-deprived marriage right NOW. Rekindle your Love Life and Reignite your Relationship: A Practical Plan for People in a Low-Sex/No-Sex Relationship or MarriageI have a feeling it might be other therapists who get the most out of Dr Schnarch's work.
On the principle that the best way to deal with frustration and anger is to understand a problem, this Intimacy and Desire book will certainly help more than Passionate Marriage, which though good, was a little too theoretical. Especially if you are a contemplative type of person. - Some - 171 lbs to 147 lbs It works but go by the bookI actually did a research paper in college on the Atkins Diet since I was already doing it and having great results. What I found was that the Internet and reviews in magazines were almost criminal in their summary of this diet/lifestyle plan. Statements about how there are no vegetables or fruit (when you are required from day 1 to eat 2 salads and berries are a wonderful focus), how you could die, mixing medical terminology up in their head (confusing "ketosis/BDK" with "acidosis") and printing it as gospel on paper. Their slander and general lack on vetting/investigation by the average person was effective and many still say "isn't that the all meat diet?". No, it is not.
What it is however is a huge impact to the food industry: the sugar industry, the bread industry, the pasta industry, the cola industry, the corn syrup industry, the fast food industry, etc. You may remember the plummeting bread sales when Atkins came out. These losses were noticeable and they were sustained because Atkins was working for those who tried it.
Dr. Atkins (of Cornell University) asks you to tell your doctor before you do the diet, checking with your doctor as you go through, self test daily/weekly. Gives you the science and all of his medical references behind the plan. If you are fair, you will read for yourself the epileptic studies using a similar diet and their amazing results. What you learn about food and your body is priceless. What you learn about how sugar and foods that turn into sugar in your body such as bread and potatoes, how they block fat burning, and how deplete your energy you cannot know until you try. Waking up at 5am w/o an alarm clock feeling like you want to run a mile is amazing. I did get tested before and my triglycerides and cholesterol numbers were better. I did walk as he instructs and drank plenty of water.
Like anything else it is not perfect. I do not endorse artificial sweeteners which make the diet easier to ease into but stevia and xylotol are noted as options. However, it is sound and you must realize this diet/lifestyle was not something Dr. Atkins just dreamed up to write a book about. He was struggling himself when he started medical school and began researching and adjusting his diet to keep up with his round the clock profession. It was refined in his clinic for many years before the writing.
This is all in the book and what I found regarding others "opinions" is that they obviously NEVER READ IT! There is another issue in that it works so well, people tend to ignore the 4 stages Dr. Atkins maps out and extend the 1st stage to lose even more weight. This is not necessary as by the time you get to the 3rd week, you body is shedding fat as a routine and like anything else that has been planned out, not following can cause issues. And of course cheating. I stopped and started Atkins 3 times because it was soooo very hard to break the sugar connection/addiction. Let's face it: ketchup, fries, buns, bagels, shakes, pasta, mashed potatoes, pizza, EVERY frozen dinner, muffins, every meal has a boat load of sugar! So cheating intentionally or unintentionally affects your results and thus some do not follow the plan to restart but instead tweak with their own idea of how to correct their indulgence.
I recommend this yellow book, follow it as directed by it and your doctor and you cannot help but see results, especially if you currently participate in the S.A.D (standard American diet) and if you realize you need to eat differently forever, not just until you lose a few. When we are overweight we are killing our energy, our opportunity, ourselves. No tasty food for a few minutes is worth it. It's that simple. - Victory Girl - I can't wait to read more from this author!"Harvest of Rubies" by Tessa Afshar is the story of Sarah, a young Jewish woman, who becomes an accomplished scribe to gain the approval of her father. The tale is set during the reign of King Artaxerxes of Persia where it is highly unusual for women to be able to read, lest write and keep accounting records.
Sarah becomes the senior scribe for Queen Damaspia, where she is able to foil a plot designed to completely erode the already strained relationship between the Queen and Amestris, the Queen Mother. As her "reward", Sarah is given in marriage to a young lord, Darius, who has no desire to be with his new bride as a result how she "presents" herself at the wedding ceremony.
Of course, Darius does not remain indifferent to his bride, but if I told you more about this story, you wouldn't have to read it yourself!
I thought this was a truly enjoyable story. There were so many times that I could really "feel" Sarah's gut-wrenching embarrassment and her pain of feeling unworthy and unloved. The beauty of the book is Sarah's growing relationship with God, and how He was able to fill the void in her heart which allowed her to love and to be lovable.
This book was great and I could hardly put it down. If you enjoy historical fiction, I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy for yourself. I myself can hardly wait to read more from Ms. Afshar.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I was provided a free copy of this book by Moody Publishers in exchange for my honest opinion.